Australia have unveiled their master strategy to beat World Cup champions France, at the World Cup in Russia in their opening match. They plan to throw the French team into confusion by suddenly switching codes to rugby league during the soccer game.
“It’s a brilliant strategy” said assistant coach Mal Meninga. “The Frenchies don’t really know how to play league and their soccer team especially have no idea what a scrum is.”
The Australian team will initially unnerve the French players by performing an Australian haka instead of singing the national anthem. A Rhino football will be snuck in to replace the round soccer ball. Then, just after half time, the Australian soccer team will start forming scrums and unleashing some deadly tackles on the French side, including a few vicious “spear tackles”. Finally, two large goal posts (smuggled in from the Ukraine) will quietly replace the goal nets.
“It’ll be a league game by stealth” said Socceroos captain Miles Jedinak. “We’ll even bring along the Newcastle Knights cheerleaders and Andrew Johns to mix things up a bit.”
“You can’t underestimate the bone crunching impact of a 120 kilogram barrel chested tank running riot through the French defence” said Meninga. “Which is why we’ll be substituting Tim Cahill with James Tamou at the 70 minute mark. Come to think of it, we’ll substitute the whole front line.”
When informed that soccer doesn’t have a front line, Meninga said “well the goal scorers, whatever those guys are called. Shirkers?”
If all else fails, the Socceroos plan is to switch to AFL to really confuse the French opposition.
“It’ll be a helluva game” said special consultant and former League player Peter Sterling “this’ll really make wog ball great again.”