Looking for a real Aussie style adventure that combines Australia’s glorious landscapes with educational facts about some of our biggest idiots? Take a walk on The Dickhead Trail.
This trail lets you follow in the tracks of where legendary dickheads from yester-year have been. You’ll step over abandoned go-karts in shopping centres, trip over stubbies in rain forests and stumble across dudes lying on zebra crossings with their bums painted in the traditional dickhead colours.
The trail goes right around Australia from the happy dickhead hunting grounds of Gold Coast and Sydney to the desert dickheads of SA and WA. And it wouldn’t be a tour without free facts, wedgies and awkward finger tickles along the way!
Here are some highlights:
Jamie Magloopy, Bondi dickhead. Jamie is a 24 year old Client Experience Enhancer for a graphic design company which means he wears his pyjamas to work and chooses the office music. He has had an ice cream welded to his hand for the past three years. His hobbies include putting fake parking fines on people’s cars and licking people’s ears on the train. As part of the tour you get to visit Jamie in his office and then also see him be a complete dickhead with his long suffering flatmates by swapping round all the labels on their food in the fridge and then urinating on the carpet.
Interactive Dickhead Experiences!
Where you get to hang out with authentic dickheads in real time. Includes:
- Cause a 2 hour traffic delay with a dickhead!
- Eat A Meal With A Dickhead!
- Help a Dickhead Ruin a Pool Party!
- Let Down Tyres With A Dickhead!
- Marry A Dickhead!
- Find A Way Into A Dickhead’s Dark, Dead Soul Through Funny Prank Calls To An Emergency Ambulance!
Witness Advances in Dickhead Technology!
From dickhead tracking apps through to Disposable Dickhead Selfie Sticks in rain forests, the amount of dickhead technology shows no signs of slowing down. But now there’s also been some amazing advances in dickhead genetic engineering. This is still in the early experimental stages. However the scientists feel confident enough to have crossed a dickhead with a wanker. They warn however, that this early prototype may be unstable and given to random rants.
“I used to go and spot wankers and boofheads but now I’m switching to dickheads completely. It’s a far more rewarding experience! I can’t recommend the Dickhead Trail enough!” – Zoey from Richmond
Check Out The National Dickhead Sporting Centre!
It’s located in Canberra, a perfect breeding ground for dickheads.
Many prototypes have been created here. Young kids who’ve shown a little bit of promise as douchebags are pushed quickly through an intense dickhead training program.
With mentorship from such legends as Shane Warne, Nick Krygios and Brendan Fevola many sporting stars with loads of attitude have been created! At the end of a two year training course the students are assessed and if successful, get their own sex tape and blocked twitter account.
The Dickhead Trail tour takes advance bookings. Please note, there are no winter tours as dickheads typically migrate to Ibiza at that time.
The tour includes one bottled water and a single banana to make into hilarious penis jokes.