BREAKING NEWS: Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull declared the city of Dubbo a no fly zone today. “It’s a town of losers, there’s no decent wine bars, there’s virtually nowhere to moor a yacht and there’s far too many people called Hariysen or Bacardi,” the Prime Minister vented today. “Please just stay away.”
He elevated Dubbo to a code red – meaning travellers shouldn’t go there unless they have family, in which case they should disown them immediately. “Dubbo can’t say it hasn’t been warned” said Mr Turnbull. “They’ve had chances – far too many chances. I warned them to lift their act and appeal to a more gentrified, down to earth, Aussie, Eastern suburbs type. But this failure to cut back on Cold Chisel tribute bands and rats tail haircuts means that we have to warn ordinary, high income Aussies to stay away.”
Mr Turnbull also threatened to declare northern Adelaide a “no Audi zone”.